Why the hell was David Letterman explaining to viewers that he does not advocate the raping of 14 year old girls on his show last week? Is there any sane person in America who believes that Letterman promotes child rape on his popular late night chat show or takes joy in the the sexual abuse of minors? Actually, yes, there are people out there that feel this way, though I wouldn't exactly call them sane.By now you are probably aware of the two stupid monologue jokes that have gotten Letterman in trouble with Sarah and Todd Palin. For those of you who don't remember, Sarah Palin was John McCain's running mate in the last presidential election, you know, the lady who kind of resembles Tina Fey and is married to Alaska's premiere snowmobile racer. Apart from being a consistent source of hilarious jokes and a guest star in many a Republican male's wet dreams, Palin was famous for having a knocked-up 18 year old daughter named Bristol. This is a well known, established truth, in fact, Bristol recently appeared in the pages of People magazine, being fitted for her graduation robe and playing with her newborn.
So, when Letterman cracked wise about Palin's "daughter" being impregnated by Alex Rodriguez during the Alaska governor's recent visit to New York City, the daughter in question was obviously Bristol Palin, right? I mean, everyone knows she gave birth to a baby out of wedlock, correct?
Well, it turns out Bristol was not at that Yankee's game with her mother, but rather Willow Palin, age 14. Letterman and his writers fucked up, but big deal. We all got the joke, we all courtesy snickered. It was, as most late night monologue ones are, a dumb, obvious joke. Except to Sarah Palin, it was a big deal--a colossal deal of epic proportions--and she took her rage to the streets, or rather the media, calling Letterman out as an advocate of sexual abuse.
So, Letterman apologizes for the joke, admits it was in bad taste, and assures American parents that he has no intention of raping their teenage daughters. Crisis averted--problem solved.Only it isn't over. A new group of morons has joined the Palins in their quest to spread stupidity throughout the land. Yes, the folks at firedavidletterman.com are asking you to lend a hand and do all you can to get David Letterman booted off the Late Show. On their Web site, the group offers six tips you can use to help achieve this goal, including tweeting about your hatred for Letterman on Twitter, sending e-mails to everybody on your contact list, and writing blogposts to promote the cause. Hey, firedavidletter.com, I've got a tip for you: go fuck yourself.
This is the most ridiculous non-controversy I've seen since Carrie Prejean charmed the world with her defensive of opposite marriage. Sarah Palin and her secessionist husband Todd are being willfully ignorant, and if you are a regular reader of this blog you know that willful ignorance is one of my biggest pet peeves. Do you really think anyone watching Late Night thought Letterman was making a Willow Palin rape joke? Of fucking course not! When a joke featuring the phrases "Sarah Palin's daughter" and "knocked up" is performed, the vast majority of people's minds go straight to Bristol, the Palin daughter who did, in fact, get knocked up. Dammit!
How stupid do you think we are, Sarah? McCain lost and you faded away, becoming nothing more than a Bill Maher punchline. Then, David Letterman made this joke, the glorious joke that whisked you and your stupid husband back into the spotlight. I have a hard time believing you actually think David Letterman was making a sex joke about Willow. You saw an opportunity to be relevant again and you jumped at the chance.
And explain to me how a joke about a girl getting knocked up is a joke about a child getting raped? By that logic, every young woman impregnated outside the bonds of holy, heterosexual matrimony (or within those bonds even, since "knocked up" has become a catch all phrase now) has gotten this way through rape. If this is the case, why is Levi Johnston allowed to walk around a free man? Gas up the helicopter, Todd, we're going huntin' and not for wolves this time.
Listen, I'm not a Late Show fan, I'm just a guy with a blog who is sick to death of the willfully ignorant, those who set logic and common sense by the wayside and scream bullshit at anyone who'll agree to put a camera on them and beam their idiotic point of view to a vast viewing audience. Those of us who possess the ability to think rationally know that you're full of crap, Palin, and we also have an inkling that inside you know you are as well. So, please, accept Letterman's apology, go back to Alaska, and never bother us down here in the Lower 48 ever again.
For fuck's sake...STOP ALREADY!!!
