Please don't drop nuclear bombs on us, Kim Jong Il. Please? What will the complete annihilation of the United States accomplish? You know all those movies you love to watch? Well, destroy our country and you'll never find out how the Night at the Museum trilogy ends. Without Hollywood the only new releases you'll be enjoying in your private, air conditioned home movie theater will be hackneyed K-horror and the films of Uwe Boll.Golly, Mister Il, I don't wanna be blowed up. None of us do. We just want you to play nice is all. Honest Injun. There are so many reasons to keep America around...
1. Daisy De La Hoya has yet to find true love.
2. That Stephen Baldwin comeback is just one movie away. I can feel it!
3. There are still so many Bruster's ice cream flavors I haven't tried yet. Flavors like Caramel Cashew, Coconut Cream Pie, Fudgie Cheesecake Galaxy, Deep Dish Apple Pie, and Chocolate Lover's Trash.
4. I'm still holding out hope that Buffy the Animated Adventures and Ripper will be released.
4. I'm still holding out hope that Buffy the Animated Adventures and Ripper will be released.5. There's still a chance Jon and Kate Gosselin will reconcile. Actually, you can probably scratch that one.
6. There are so many quality movies in my Netflix cue that I desperately want to watch before I expire: Kiss Daddy Goodbye, Mee-Shee: The Water Giant, Barbarella, Hobgoblins, Blacula, Hot Dog: The Movie, etc.
7. We still haven't heard Adam Lambert's debut album.
8. The star of "Kittens Inspired by Kittens" could grow up to become this nation's first female president.
8. The star of "Kittens Inspired by Kittens" could grow up to become this nation's first female president.9. There are so many important international causes I've yet to pretend I understand and/or care about.
10. Someone's gonna take another stab at adapting Super Mario Brothers to the big screen and succeed this time.
11. Kirk Cameron has so many more souls to save/annoy the snot out of.
You see, Kim, we Americans have a lot to look forward to and bombing us to dust would be vile, amoral, and rude. Why can't everyone get along, huh? Why can't every nation simply toss it's nuclear arsenal onto the rubbish pile, join hands, and sing a few verses of This Little Light of Mine or Fall Out Boy's Dance Dance or whatever. The age of distrust and animosity is over. It's time we all sit down, shut up, and watch Vh1's New York inseminate a cow on national TV.
Yours truly,
Matt Lawson of the USA
