Jon and Kate Gosselin will be making a special announcement next Monday on their popular TLC reality show. Most news organizations are predicting that the troubled couple will reveal that they are splitting up, but GEP isn't so sure. Seems pretty lame to make America wait until Monday just to announce the obvious, so we here at Giant Electric have compiled our own list of possibilities as to what we think Jon and Kate might be announcing on their upcoming very special episode.1. The show is moving to NBC and will be re-titled I'm a Gosselin Child...Get Me out of Here!
2. Jon and Kate Gosselin are actually fictional characters created by TLC and are portrayed by two actors; the twins were purchased by the network seven years ago and raised on a sound stage to prepare them for a life in front of the camera; and the sextuplets are a troupe of performing midgets who are quite popular in their native South Korea.
3. In an effort to save their marriage, the Gosselins have decided to try for another set of sextuplets. If this proves to be an impossibility (i.e. Kate's uterus is still all messed up from her previous pregnancies), they are prepared to adopt Nadya Suleman's most recent litter.
4. Kate's hair is actually an extraterrestrial parasite that has forced her to be needlessly cruel to Jon for the past eight years and an emergency buzzcut has worked wonders for the relationship.
5. This fall, Jon Gosselin will appear on a Rock of Love-style show on Vh1, title pending. (Note: I came up with the names Half-Asian of Love and Single Dad of Love, but my wife hated both. She offered Pussy Whipped of Love, which is OK, but I think something funnier is on the horizon. This is a joke in process and we will keep you posted.)
6. Mady Gosselin possesses pyrokinetic abilities a la Charlie McGee in Firestarter and has threatened to reduce Pennsylvania to smoldering ash if the couple ever considers divorce.
7. In a vision, Jesus Himself has begged Kate to quit the show and give her children a normal, healthy childhood. Kate is currently weighing her options.
