Title: CrankBadass: Jason Statham
What the hell?: A British hit man is injected with a highly poisonous toxin that will kill him in exactly one hour unless he keeps his adrenaline pumping. He accomplishes this by recklessly driving his car through a mall, instigating a bar fight with a group of angry black men, snorting cocaine off a filthy men's room floor, damn near overdosing on epinephrine and nasal spray, and humping his girlfriend in the middle of Chinatown while a crowd of Chinese people look on admiringly. It's essentially Grand Theft Auto brought to life or a 13 year old boy's dream come true.
What's to like: nonstop, over-the-top action from start to finish leaving one barely any time to catch one's breath; Jason Statham is the thinking man's action star and, dammit, I just love a man with a British accent; fiercely original, endlessly clever, and more than a little funny; Amy Smart.What's to not like: might seem a little goofy to fans of conventional action movie fare, but since I for the most part find the action genre fairly useless, I absolutely adored it.
The truth: I'm tempted to declare Crank the winner of this smackdown right here and now, but then I would be denying myself the pleasure of seeing Arnold Schwarzenegger in a loincloth. Crank is a genre masterpiece. I think you'll love it and I'm willing to stake my movie snob reputation on it.
Regardless of what's been said, there's still no clear winner in this smackdown. Only three badasses to go: Jet Li in The One, Ahhh-nold in Conan the Barbarian, and Mister Wesley Trent Snipes in The Art of War.
