Recently MSN: Lifestyle offered women a list of 15 fresh, fun, and sexy date ideas, many of which promoted heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages. As a service to our female readers who have never heard of MSN or dating before, GEP is reproducing the list for your consideration. The commentary that follows each fresh, sexy idea is my own and did not appear in MSN's original list unless otherwise noted. Maybe some of these ideas will catch your interest. Valentines Day is almost here, after all. Happy dating, ladies!
1. Have a DIY dinner: Sure, you could set up a taco bar or make a pizza with your man (both MSN suggestions), but let's face it, men enjoy a meal so much more when they didn't have anything to do with it. Nothing tastes better to me than a delicious dinner after a couple of hours of cable TV and pretending I can't hear my significant other when she calls for my help. Now that is good eatin'!2. Plan a wine-tasting excursion: The first of MSN's many alcohol-centric dating activities. I've never gone wine-tasting, but I have tasted wine and most of it sucks. Wine-tasting is pretentious and, if your winery visit involves an exhaustive tour of the facility, boring. Why not buy a six pack of Smirnoff Ice and get trashed in the comfort of your own home?
3. Spend the weekend day with your man, sipping cocktails and people watching at a bar: Would this be before the wine-tasting or after? Why not people watch at the flea market or, better yet, the mall. Mall people are totally lame, plus you can purchase a soft pretzel or a cinnamon bun if you get hungry.
4. In the afternoon, visit open houses and fantasize about buying your dream home: "Look at what we'll never, ever be able to afford now that you've been laid off and nobody's hiring people with their Masters in Art History. Let's go back to the bar."
5. Go on an edu-date: So, this one isn't that horrible, I guess. It would probably be fun to take a cooking class with your man or one of those How To Give Your Woman Multiple Orgasms workshops I read about all the time. MSN suggests taking an Italian language course together. Wait, what? That sounds a little too much like school and last I heard you got in trouble for making out in the back of the classroom.
6. Hit a playground or an amusement park: Adults who hang around at the playground without children have gotten a bum rap over the years. They're not all child molesters and babbling mental patients, people. Some of them are perfectly normal couples who just spent the morning drinking cocktails in a seedy bar and stumbling through an open house bitching about the economy. And have you been to an amusement park lately? You've basically got to take out a loan if you want to eat while you're there. Your best bet: put up a tire swing in the front yard, drink in your basement, swing, puke, repeat if necessary.
6. Hit a playground or an amusement park: Adults who hang around at the playground without children have gotten a bum rap over the years. They're not all child molesters and babbling mental patients, people. Some of them are perfectly normal couples who just spent the morning drinking cocktails in a seedy bar and stumbling through an open house bitching about the economy. And have you been to an amusement park lately? You've basically got to take out a loan if you want to eat while you're there. Your best bet: put up a tire swing in the front yard, drink in your basement, swing, puke, repeat if necessary.7. Play around-the-world cocktails: Or, more precisely, "7. Drink." At least MSN suggests you procure the assistance of a qualified taxi driver for this particular excursion.
8. Take him to a NASCAR-style event: Cuz every dude loves NASCAR! Hyuk!
9. Throw on your sexiest preppy duds and hit the indoor golf driving range: Especially fun if your man completely sucks at hitting a golf ball. Men love to be taken on dates where they can be repeatedly humiliated.
10. Pamper yourselves with a couples massage at a day spa: Ask about the "happy ending." And the layaway program. What the hell, MSN? Not everyone with internet access is made of money.
10. Pamper yourselves with a couples massage at a day spa: Ask about the "happy ending." And the layaway program. What the hell, MSN? Not everyone with internet access is made of money.11. Book a room at a local hotel for only one night: Preferably not the one he frequents with his other girlfriends. Talk about awkward.
12. Visit a psychic: Admit it, MSN, you were totally running out of ideas! Taking your man to a psychic is equivalent to showing up at your man's house with a t-shirt reading "Yes, I Am Retarded. Thank You For Asking." Go with the shirt. It's probably cheaper.
13. Instead of eating dinner in front of the TV, grab a blanket, a baguette, and Brie and have a picnic under the stars: Why not have a picnic in front of the stars...of TV's Scrubs?
14. Test your luck at a nearby casino or horse track: Feed your sweethearts gambling addiction; lose your life-savings; get into a fight when you learn your man has lost you in a high stakes poker game. You can probably get a lot of that drinking done at one of these locations as well. I think MSN has found the perfect date.
14. Test your luck at a nearby casino or horse track: Feed your sweethearts gambling addiction; lose your life-savings; get into a fight when you learn your man has lost you in a high stakes poker game. You can probably get a lot of that drinking done at one of these locations as well. I think MSN has found the perfect date.15. Go to a WWE event: See #12.
